so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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