They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
bring money and cleavage
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
