he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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