listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
