I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
