But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
