happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
