The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
