Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
