Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
