he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The ass gains better be worth it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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