In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
