i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
