Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
