I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
