you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
