Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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