He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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