thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
