my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
