She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
