i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
