Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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