Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
