he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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