i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
