so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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