i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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