i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize