Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
