Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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