I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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