if only i could text you this smell
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
