Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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