I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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