The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
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if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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