He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
