Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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