There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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