I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
