five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
