It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is wine microwaveable?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
