he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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