Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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