where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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