NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
