Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
