you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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