Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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