Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
this hospital has no fireball
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
