Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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