I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
