a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
