K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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