Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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