as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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