You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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