It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
