It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
