Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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