maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
