Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
