I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
