no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
