Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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