So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
