It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
