a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
