I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize