She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
