I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
