i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
