Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
