Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
