I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
