Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
